Day 24 - Letting Go of Our Masks
The degree to which I wear a mask in my key relationships is the degree to which my character development will be thwarted. ~ Thrall, McNicol, Lynch
Masks are part of every culture. The Greeks used large, overgeneralized caricature masks in their plays so those who were watching from the back of the amphitheater could tell whether a character was good or evil. We get our symbol for theater from this practice. In Guatemala, there is a cultural dance that symbolizes the conquest of the Spaniards. The dancers who represent the Spaniards wear overly pink masks with curly blond hair. Other dancers wear a jaguar mask, representing (I think) the good earth and fertility in the animistic tradition of the indigenous people. As I recall, the jaguar always dies, in the end, symbolizing the final outcome of the conquest. But, the jaguar also comes back every year! They are not pretty masks but they aid in telling a story. Those who wear the masks are not truly conquistadores or jaguars; they simply pretend to be such.We are all performers on the stage of life, and much like the dancers telling the story of the jaguar; we wear masks to portray a certain image. Some of the masks that we wear are:
The “happy” maskThe “I’m better than most” maskThe “I’m very together” maskThe “I’m a victim of others” maskThe “I don’t care” maskThe “I’m competent enough to not need love” maskThe “I’m the expert” maskThe “I’m not hurt” maskAnd more…
Each of these masks was fashioned in order to cope with a certain situation. But, sometimes, long after the need for the mask exists, we continue to wear the mask. We think it makes us look better! As we continue to wear the mask, it becomes heavier and perhaps begins to look a little worn, some of the color is gone and there are holes in places. But we’ve worn it for so long, it’s comfortable and we don’t want to get rid of it for fear of what we might look like underneath. We all secretly fear that we will look like Darth Vader without our beautiful masks.Here’s the problem. If we are wearing a mask in our key relationships (think: spouse, friend, boss, colleague, family), those people will only know how to respond to the papier maché mock-up of who we are. If they are never allowed to interact with our true identity we will, likewise, miss out on the opportunity for genuine character development. Our character is developed in community. We don’t develop patience, kindness, gentleness, generosity while we sit in isolation. We need a community within in which to practice these things, but our development is stunted when our masks cover up our authentic self.Okay, so how do we let go? It’s scary for me to think about letting go of some of the masks that I wear, since it will leave me vulnerable. You know what it’s like when you take a cast off? Your skin looks all peely and pink and it’s tender to the touch? It's true... That might happen when we take our masks off. But, what is the option? Wearing the nasty cast (mask) for the rest of our lives? As I see it, we need (at least) three elements to help us dissolve our masks.First, we need humility. Yup, it all starts there. My TrueFaced friends define humility as trusting God and others with me…the real me. Let that one sink in. We must let go of control enough to trust others with who we are. (Deep breath!)Second, we must allow the grace of God and others to melt our masks. In order to receive grace we must be humble (see first point). “Pride shuts down grace.”Lastly, we must begin to be truthful about who we truly are… the beauty and the brokenness must be woven together. I must believe that I am more beautiful without my mask, even with all my scars. I must believe that my scars tell a beautiful story…better than any story I could tell with a mask on.There are wonderful books written on this topic. Two of my favorites are from my TrueFaced friends:TrueFaced: trust God and others with who you really areThe Cure