Day 21 - Letting Go of Being Right

One of the hardest things in the world is to be right and not hurt other people with it. ~Dallas Willard

I admit it. I enjoy being right. There is a wee bit of satisfaction in knowing I’m right and, by extension, someone else has been proven wrong.   But, big surprise, I’m not always right! It’s when I’m not right that I am reminded how humiliating and often devastating it is to be on the other side of “right”. It’s really hard for some people, including me, to admit to being wrong. So much so, that even in the face of facts that prove me wrong, I still work hard to be “right.” Adele Calhoun, in her book Invitations from God, says it succinctly. “Most people are biased in favor of their own rightness even when the data proves them wrong” (104). As an Enneagram One, letting go of being right is an ongoing struggle for me.There are two scenarios that play out here. In the first scenario, I am (actually) right. Let’s say I’m out of town and see the forecast at home. I call and say it’s going to rain so please cover the outdoor furniture. My husband says, no, it’s not going to rain. So he doesn’t cover the furniture. And it rains. How do I react? With anger that the furniture is now all wet…mixed with a tiny dose of I-told-you-so? Or, do I humbly participate in the clean up effort?

Being right is actually a very hard burden to be able to carry gracefully and humbly. That’s why nobody likes to sit next to the kid in class who’s right all the time. ~Dallas Willard

The second scenario seems to be more common around our house. For whatever reason, I’m wrong about something. Honestly, I can think of a few recent examples but they are a little tender to write about in a public forum and I don’t have the energy to make something up! So… I’m wrong. I feel backed into a corner and become defensive. I defend my rightness even when the data proves me wrong! Ugh! Writing this down puts a knot in my stomach. First because I’m admitting to it publically and second because it’s so ridiculous!! Why is it so hard to say something like, “You’re right”?Both the act of gloating over being right and the act of defending your “rightness” in the midst of being wrong create a wedge between you and the other person. Remembering that the point of letting go is to be free to attach to Christ, I need to “humbly accept that my knowing is incomplete and that I don’t have everything right so I can be open to hearing more from Jesus” (Calhoun, 102).Adele Calhoun identifies two practices that address both sides of this issue.

Seek humility, which acknowledges the limits of my knowing and allows space for others to be on the journey.Seek teachability, which allows me to keep on growing and changing. Being teachable opens me to the ideas and opinions of others. It does not mean I don’t have my own beliefs, but that they are open to being refined and changed.

May God give us grace to be humble in rightness and teachable in wrongness.