Day 8 - Letting go of "Up and to the Right"

The way down is the way up. ~Richard Rohr

We live in a culture that is defined by an “up and to the right” graph symbolizing success. Everything should always be getting better. Upper body and lower body (not to mention core) should be getting tighter and stronger. Skin should constantly be approaching flawless and teeth should be whiter. Start-up companies should be scaling to become larger. Computers should be getting smaller but with more capacity. People’s careers should be growing and leaders should continually develop more influence. This is the message we receive and mostly desire to live. But is it sustainable?The last few years, for me, have been years defined by the inverse of this success equation. Our income dropped precipitously and things stopped moving up and to the right. We moved from a large flat, with a view of the Golden Gate Bridge, to a 1970’s vintage small house with a view of the back yard in a quiet, wine-country town. Our influence and network diminished. Instead of traveling internationally and entertaining lots of interesting company, the days found me puttering around in a small garden, and cooking dinner for just the two of us. Instead of broadening my horizons, it felt like my world was closing in on me. I did not expect this to happen at this time in my life and it caused sadness, confusion and anger.The confusion has mostly come from a misunderstanding of life and the vineyard has been a gentle teacher. Vines do not grow in a constant upward trajectory. Rather, they cycle through the seasons. In the spring, the riot of yellow mustard flowers carpet the ground and the ever-increasing hours of sunshine begin to coax a few leaves to appear on the otherwise dormant vine. Summer heat encourages the leaves and the fruit to grow bigger and sweeter. The fall brings a bountiful harvest of juicy grapes to make delicious wine and the colorful leaves drop. In winter, the vines are pruned back and are allowed to rest. The older vines are pruned to mere twisted stumps while the younger vines are left with a few graceful branches. Then, the cycle starts again.The soul has a similar pattern of loss and renewal that must be embraced in order to let go of the “up and to the right” complex.   I certainly would not have chosen the downward movement of the last few years, but it has provided some much needed rest from production. The pruning of this season has, perhaps, prepared this old vine for a more productive season ahead. But, before I get ahead of myself, yearning for the productive season, I must rest in the fallow season. I must acknowledge the pain of the fallow season as it rips out the false ideas I have of success and forces my roots to go deeper. Deep roots provide the promise of better fruit and better wine—and I do love good wine!As I let go of the formula of success that the world recommends, I am reminded that Jesus completely upended the world’s formula. He willingly made a journey into humility.   His movement was always toward the poor and the outcast. His life was not marked by “up and to the right”. If I am to be a true disciple of Jesus, I will follow his downward pattern, embracing the pain of a fallen world.I like how Richard Rohr puts it in his book Falling Upward. “By denying their pain, avoiding the necessary falling, many have kept themselves from their own spiritual depths—and therefore have been kept from their own spiritual heights.”So much more to say, but I’m eager to hear from others. How have you experienced God in the downward trajectory?